Girl On The Moon

This weekend, I tried not to be selfish.

I feel selfish now for being upset with people.

On Friday night a employee of a very large company in a company vehicle slammed into my car goin’ about 20MPH. Ruined my bumper. I have no bumper. The lights that light up my license plate are hanging down. My car rattles like death.

But it’s okay. I’m fine. Despite the fact that I’m sore as fuck and very very beyond stressed out.

So, Saturday comes and we leave our friends house to drive home and quickly get ready to drive all the way back down to meet friends.

I felt like shit. Sore, migrane. Whiplash, definately. I didn’t want to drive. I literally fought with my roomate over it. I told her to take me home.

But she wouldn’t. She wanted to see our friends. They’d driven down to Atlanta to visit Disney and we barely ever get to see them.

So, despite the fact that I’d have rather spent the morning in the ER with a neckbrace than actually try and do Disney in the scorching heat—-I went down to Disney.

And then I found out our two groups of friends weren’t together at all. We wasted time trying to renew Jesse’ pass when it didn’t need to be reviewed. We wasted time going to Epcot via monorail for no reason.

In fact, we wasted the entire day because we never saw our friends. 

We could have been sleeping it off but instead of being responsible—we tried to be unselfish and do something nice for people we care about.

Needless to say, I wish I could erase Saturday completely from my memory.

People don’t seem to realize how their actions affect other people. When you exclude people who do nice things to you—it upsets them. And than they in turn exclude people because they only want to be with people who can’t hurt them.

Well you know what?

I’m beyond pissed.

I only tried to be a safe good person this weekend and I ended up with a broken bumper, looming car repairs, a sore neck, a lot of crying friends, and hurt feelings.

I’m glad I tried.

I’m glad I’m fucking important to people.

And I’m sorry I’m just so damn selfish.

harvelleian asked: Giving you love because you're just perfect. TAKE MY LOVE KAT.

AW HELLO I LOVE YOU TOO <3

I am not perfect BUT I TAKE YOUR LOVE.

I’m getting a Siberian Husky puppy for my birthday.

Which is today!~

BEST DAY EVER.

Right now, I would burn all the presents and all the money and everything if it would keep people from being angry with me.

I’m having a cup of ‘Stress Relief’ tea because fuck it—I deserve one. I need one.

Everyone seems to want something from me. I’m exhausted from work and I’m going to need some time to get used to a flipped schedule. 

I just can’t explain all the reasons I’m stressed out. I want to be able to hang out this week but I just can’t. I feel bad because I don’t know if my friends want to surprise me for my birthday or not.

I hate birthday surprises. Because the days before your birthday—you sit there feeling like shit because no one wants to celebrate with you. And then they pop up at the last minute.

I’m still upset that we never truly celebrated Jesse’s birthday. I don’t want anything more then she had. That’s not fair.

What I want is exactly what I’m doing—going home to Tampa to see a Marvel movie and open presents with friends and family.

And then I’m going to sleep in on my actual birthday because I’ll have not slept much on the 12th—-so I gotta catch up a little before I work the night of my birthday.

I wish I didn’t feel like people need me to be in charge.

I wish I felt more like a human then a cosplay accessory.

zionangel asked: Haaaaayyy I know you!

Haaaaaaaaaaaay! <3 I KNOW YOU

letthemseeyourheart:

After a year long inner conflict, I’m going to join the Army. I need to do more for myself than just sitting here, week after week, being nothing but a stay-at-home mom. While I get that things are going to be tough, especially being away from Emma during the three months of Basic and AIT, I’m confident she’ll be okay and that this will work for us all in the end.

I have this need to be more, y’know? I’ve exhausted myself by just existing in this house and I know that if I get a regular job, I’m going to quit or eventually find a way to get fired. I know my weaknesses in that field and I know what I have to do to not let that happen.

The biggest problem I’m having is how I’m going to break it to my mom. Last year, I tried telling her that this was something I really wanted to do, to better myself and be a provider for my daughter ( not that Cody doesn’t do that, but I’m tired of feeling like I can’t do it), but she flipped her shit and told me that my job was to be Emma’s mother, and that didn’t include shipping off to Basic. She told me I was stupid for wanting to join, that my husband somehow brainwashed me to become a soldier, and wouldn’t let me argue. She flat out told me, “You’re not joining the Army”.

So, what am I worried about? Emma will be just fine, so no, I’m not sleepless over that. Cody’s all for my becoming a soldier, so I’m not stressing over that either. The one person who has always told me she’d be supportive, no matter what, is ultimately shutting down a dream for me. I don’t think she even realizes it, but that’s exactly what she’s doing. For a while I’ve been thinking about just signing up and then telling her, but holy shit that would cause so many problems. She might not ever talk to me again if I did that. So how the hell do I go about this? It’s exhausting trying to convince her of anything anymore; once she’s made up her mind, there’s no cracks to slip through.

I wantsobadly to do this, it’s been all I could think about for the last year. I’m over being conflicted about it, now I just need to take the next step.

If anybody following me knows what to say to a helicopter mom that doesn’t know that her grown woman of a daughter can make her own decisions, please, PLEASE help me out here. XD

You are so brave, Sam.

Just tell her with the utter certainty that you wrote this post. You ARE joining the Army. She gets no choice. You’re a grown woman. <3

Good luck and be safe, honey. We should be penpals. I’ll send you awesome doodles of ridiculousness. :P

I’m so proud of you. Go get ‘em tiger!

<3

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I have no proper words right now.

(Source: harvelleian)